What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

Its mostly always from childhood abuse .

I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.

She married twice! .

Which is the worst Bollywood movie you have ever seen and why?

You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .

We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!

He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.

What's the most trivial thing that ever made you go to the doctor?

He knew the spot.

And who doesn’t know suffering?

At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.

Can you tell me something about yourself?

What did i know ?

All the time i was locked up.

One cannot live in the past .

Why has Biden pulled ahead in battleground states and is now projected to win the 2024 presidency?

Would this be the day?

He was dying to do it , i knew.

I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.

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And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)

Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.

Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.

What is the STAR interview method?

We all went to grammer schools

His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.

So, i spoilt her more .

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This is soul school!.

A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.

I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .

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He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!

As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.

But it wasn’t much.

What is a partner in crime?

Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..

As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!

That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.

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She loved him until the end.

He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.

I couldn’t, believe it.

I said to her

Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..

Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.

We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..

For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)

She was a women, a mother with her own children!.

But ive been too sick for many years..

Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.

Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.

His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!

But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !

You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.

My life is so biszare .

I of course replied” arh beautiful!

I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.

My mum and dad in the seventies!

I was very sick at this time too.

Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.

My family never makes their pension either.

She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.

(And it was in our own minds.)

I might have to go back 30 generations or more..

The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..

And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!

I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.

Thats was my nicest nick name for him

Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.

Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..

Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.

So whats the point in blame.

I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers

Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.

I was scared of men, in general

And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!

I was writing from the time i was a small child.

Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other

It was going to be , some day.

So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.

I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.

But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,

But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!

But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.

I know ,a lot about trauma.

And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!

They are buried together, in the same grave..

I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)

Im still living with it.

I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!

As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.

Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.

I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.

But, we were locked up after school.

My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.

But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!

My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .

This is how, and why children get BPD.

I don,t even have a pension.

Especially a lifetime of it.

Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.

She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!

Who then, do I blame.?

As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)

When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!

Ive learnt so much.

But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!

Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life

He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.

As i do to all so called friends.?

And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!

She was in good health!

I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor

I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!

Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..

I did it because my mum asked me too!

Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?

With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.

One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)

Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.

Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.

My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.

And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.

The only rule us 5 kids had .

I could never make a relationship work though!

But im dying ,and its too late for me.

Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.

I never cut or harmed myself..

Why did i forgive my father ?

It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.

On the 31st of Jan this month .

I had hoped to write a book about this .

He resisted the act ,that day.

Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.

I was seconnd youngest,

I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.

One cannot hold on to bitterness.

Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)

She wouldn,t have been !

Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.

I think the readers, may guess!

She died at 55 of colon cancer.

Comes on , in middle age.

He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.

She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!

They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?

Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.

I suffer greatly, because of BPD..

He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .

The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.

When she asked me how she looked .

He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!

He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!

It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.

And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .

I waited trembling.

But im an empath, and i help lots of people.

But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .

Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t

I will be 64.

I have no regrets .

The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,

I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.

As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!

We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.

We were not on the streets..

She found it foreign!.

My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.

My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!

Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!

I was 9 years of age.

Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!

We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.

I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.

5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.

I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.

I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.

My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.

We could never speak unless he spoke to us!

Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.

She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.

Im dying but, im not bitter.

Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!

I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.

BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.

She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!

Where the ultimate outsiders.

He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!

One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.

Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.

Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!

One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.

Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.

Was to survive, this bastard.

Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.

I write beautiful poetry .

And, all my friends down the years ,where users.

Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!

Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years

So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.

Put me off passion for life!!

He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.

.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them

But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).

And i lived it daily.

Another so called friend had bit the dust..

He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!

The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!

19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.